First Letter from Didem to Carina

Istanbul, 24.02.2020, 00:32

Dear Carina,

I think you are now about 130 km away from Vienna, that city of half measures. And in this city you are coming towards which I would call Stadt der Gegensätze (Meanwhile, I was trying to learn some German words (smiley face)), pushing all the limits that I have to get there is exciting and terrifying at the same time. Since I have decided to move there, I feel like I belong nowhere. At the beginning, I thought that it would have been easier. But it is not. Because it constantly accumulates bunch of new questions about passing these invisible, untouchable borders. Frustrating. I'm not looking for answers, but I need others who also questions.

That’s why I have been reading the letter you wrote to me again and again. I think about the moth, the bar-like venues of Vienna, the spring… And I keep looking at the posts you share along the way. And I imagine each of us as small spots on the globe called the world. One of my favourite things when I was a kid was to have an atlas, close my eyes and put my finger on a spot and imagine what kind of a place it would be like. Now it is the same to imagine what places you are passing by. The photos give hints, but they are just fragments. To think about our experiences within these journeys that we take in both directions, that transform us in many different unexpected ways would not fit in the frames, in those fragments, not in these words even. And this is what excites me the most, what makes me feel that I am in a safe spot. This shared feeling of uncertainty and constant questioning makes me feel at ease and yes, scares me at the same time. Such weird Gegensätze.

It's been a long time since I wrote a letter to someone, and I do not know how to end it,

but I should,

for now,

with kisses and hugs from İstanbul,

Didem